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December 7th, 2010]
 El mundo is tu oyster
2 Sex Drugs & RockNRoll

December 2nd, 2010]
 ha ha my journal! 
Sex Drugs & RockNRoll

October 30th, 2006]
this is only a test

Sex Drugs & RockNRoll

Something I found from awhile back. [Tuesday,
October 17th, 2006]
darkness encompassed
the outline pre-
embossed with the perfection
of another creation.
the night was dark and crowded,
the atmosphere;
much like it would have been
portrayed by an national geographic
packed in darkness, souls,
and a thousand artificial moons and hearts.
the amphetamine synthesizers
likened her feet to that of a
warm oozing-red
upgraded and degraded
technological symphony-orchestra
complete with a ballerina that danced on water like christ
skillfully disappearing and reemerging
with the ease of gracefulness itself


i wanted to
take her to a beach
anywhere there was sand enough
to burry our souls in
a mass entanglement of earth
Sex Drugs & RockNRoll

October 15th, 2006]
I was born a wolf
but it was a quick transformation.
5 Sex Drugs & RockNRoll

October 11th, 2006]
Back in the USA.
1 Sex Drugs & RockNRoll

October 1st, 2006]
God said to Abraham "Kill me a son."
Abe said "man you must be puttin me on!"
God said "no." Abe said "what?"
God said "you can do what you want Abe, but,
next time you see me coming, you better run."
Abe said ¨where you want this killin done?"
God said "way down on Highway 61."

It bothers me that a girl I knew so long ago, for such a short time, still entrudes on my thoughts so often.
Sex Drugs & RockNRoll

There is something about winter. [Monday,
September 25th, 2006]
Here in Spain, it feels like winter is starting. Winter makes me feel. I don´t know how long it´s been doing this to me, maybe only for the last few years. But it does and it´s one of the few times I am filled with any emotion at all.

It reminds me of highschool. I hated highschool, but I made the goddamn most of it. We had some crazy good times then.

I recall being with Elissa back then, and being broken hearted and filled with music (largely the music she introduced me to). I remember shivering in cold night air all bundled up in a sweater and smoking cigarettes. And smoking in cars with the windows down letting the cold air. There´s also camping in winter, taking watever drug it may be, with my closest friends and all those others that I´m not so sure about. Everyone gravitating to the single source of comfort in the forest.

Winter reminds be of Vinny´s jeep.

I know that Vinny´s Jeep is dead. I am just remembering. This winter will likely dissapoint me. Life has been as tough as it has ever been, these days, and there will be no time for being a child anymore. But I can try.
Sex Drugs & RockNRoll

September 15th, 2006]
spanish keyboards are weird. Spain itself is crowded. The country (particularly the small mountain communities en Leon) are amazing. I want to live there, and farm for a living. I´m sure Tio Samuel will subsidize me. I am enjoying myself here. 
Sex Drugs & RockNRoll

September 2nd, 2006]

I am currently staying in Miami with family until the 6th. I absolutely love it here. It's not at all like other cities. Lainos solemente. Everyone is nice, all the houses are colorful and calm, and for a city of such volume, it's suprisingly quiet. After 9 or 10 o'clock, there is total silence. The plants here are amazing. So many plants that I have only seen pictures of grow as weeds. All the plants I sell as house plants flourish in the yards. Imagine 40ft. tall rubber plants covered in various epiphytic bromiliads, orchids, and ferns. The common house ficus is planted en masse and pruned to make uniform floral walls. Crotons, Cleyeras, date palms, umbrella plants, and several tree species (appearently) of cassia decorate the street from my window. There isn't much that can't be grown in Louisiana, but there isn't ANYTHING that can't be grown in Miami. I wish my family would relocate here.

And the people here are amazing.

3 Sex Drugs & RockNRoll

September 1st, 2006]
Tomarrow (or actualy, today) I leave Louisiana bound for Miami. Shortly later, I depart from Spain. Forty days in the Majestic Spain.
1 Sex Drugs & RockNRoll

And Editorial on Ownership of Jester Tobacco, or "Noone Can Escape the Almighty Corporation." [Wednesday,
August 23rd, 2006]

For those who don't know, I am an avid fan of rolling tobacco (RYO, roll-your-own). I typically smoke Jester tobacco, which is a smaller label, but is second to none in quality and is (in my oppinion) far better than the major premium brands.

Jester has no website, and little information can be found. I was able to find Lane Limited's website (the package reads "produced under the authority of lane limited). To my suprise, they also make the top-of-the-line Dunhill cigarettes and cigars, and pipe tobacco. They also make Bugler, Kite, Midnight Special, Roll Rich, Samson, and Gauloises. Bugler and Kite are the number 1 sellers in the US, and are absolute shit. Midnight Special, I hear, is similarly shit. Samson is a premium brand, only several cents cheaper than Jester, and I used to buy it occasionally, and finally chose Jester over the competition. Or so I thought.

So I felt a little duped upon reading this. Here is the preface to the kicker. I hate manufactured cigarettes. They are absolutely a fraud and are made with the absolute lowest standards of tobacco, with every major American brand using a large percent of reconstituted tobacco sheet (which is made of  waste tobacco, plus chemicals). I cannot stress enough how poor the tobacco of American manufactured cigarettes is, with ZigZag being the only company that has started making and will be distributing cigarettes with true tobacco, which is the standard in many asian countries. Here is the actual kicker. Lane Limited was founded in 1890 in Germany, then expanded and moved to New York in 1938. They Moved to Georgia in 1983 and further expanded. In 1987 they were aquired by British American Tobacco. In 2004, British American was aquired by Reynolds America. That is the company that produces RJ Reynolds cigarettes, most notably: Camel, Kool, Winston, Salem, Doral, Natural American Spirit, Eclipse, Export A and Pall Mall. In addition to these, Barclay, Belair, Capri, Carlton, GPC, Lucky Strike, Misty, Monarch, More, Now, Tareyton, Vantage, and Viceroy. One in every three cigarettes sold in the US are made by RJ Reynolds.

Here I have been under the impression that I was propogating capitolism. In order to compete, smaller companies must make supirior products so that their customers will come to them, as they are unable to go to their customers. Turns out they are one in the same.

2 Sex Drugs & RockNRoll

Let me state that I am infact anti-religion [Monday,
August 21st, 2006]

(1) The god of the Jews is an enemy of the virtuous
(2) I am a virtuous man,
(3) The enemy of my enemy of my enemy is my friend,
(4) I have an interesting bunch of friends.

7 Sex Drugs & RockNRoll

my recent thoughts [Thursday,
August 17th, 2006]

a meditation even:

Lately, I have been working less and spending more time at home. The idea is to quickly finish as much as I can of my correspondence work before I leave for Spain. 

I value this alone time alot. I've been doing alot of songcrafting, keeping my plants up, studying (not for school),  and thinking in general. I've had the last three days off, and I don't think I've wasted a second of time not growing.

I am often contemplating  my nature these days. That is, I am a solitary man. While others tell me what - or rather whom- a young boy my age should be doing, I can't defy my on reason, and so I drift, and allow only what is natural to occur.

I have equally been considering the nature of others in this world. I so often relate so well to other people, seing a little of myself in nearly everyone. But I find myself to be so different, and I wonder essentially, "who fucked up: me or them?"

I should mention that I am undeniably attracted to a certain  friend's  (i.e., "brother") ex-girlfriend. She, I suspect, would be receptive. People keep telling me what to do, but I know it would be no different for me than it was with him, after all, he is worthy of the title "brother". In a strange twist, I have been developing a sincere fondness for an even more former ex-girlfriend of his who has never been particularly fond of myself, except to the required degree on account of our having mutual friends and consequently running into eachother now and then.
Love is something rarely found and that I will not waste my time looking for in chance places. Searching makes the mind prone to finding, even when it has found nothing at all. If love is true, I can only hope that it will find me. My love is that which I have for my brothers. It is unconditional in the truest since. It is the love of my true equals, who require nothing of me and have nothing to give. It exsists, simply because it does rather than by any will. It is our complete understanding of eachother, our collaborations of art and intellect, our common ambition, and our desire  to defend and never coerce one another- not because it is mutualy beneficial, but because to see my brother fall is to see myself fall. This is true, and undoubtable love, that I believe many people to be ignorant of, instead only aware of what the wish was love.

Perhaps that is the reason of my solitude: me being so young and yet aware of the complexly-simple nature of existence and the harmony that is present when humanity exisists without perversions, the rest of the world merely living a fantasy of ideological masturbation justified by lies. 

There are those of us who are on-the-level. We recognize eachother, that is why we persist. The rest of the world struggles for something greater. The have been fooled in to criminalizing truth and worshiping that which defies reality. They are always reaching for the unreachable, switching to new ideologies any time they make progress, because making progress makes their goal real, and what is real is evil and necessarily  less than that which is offered in the heavens. What they can't accept is that nothing is unreal, nothing is unattainable, and that they were born as Gods of Sapience and need only to revert back to their elemental selves and open their eyes to the enlightenment which they seek.

Sex Drugs & RockNRoll

August 16th, 2006]
I feel as if there is no way for me to stylistically express myself without looking back and thinking myself silly. I am an artistic minimalist.
Sex Drugs & RockNRoll

August 14th, 2006]
It is said that there are three requirments to being a Basque: You must have a Basque name, you must speak the Basque language, and you must have an uncle in America.
2 Sex Drugs & RockNRoll

August 12th, 2006]


I shall defend
the house of my father,
against wolves,
against draught,
against usury,
against the law,
I shall defend
the house of my father.
I shall loose cattle,
pine groves;
I shall loose
but I shall defend the 
house of my father.
They will take my weapons,
and with my hands I shall defend
the house of my father;
they will cut off my hands,
and with my arms I will defend
the house of my father;
they will leave me armless,
without shoulders,
without chest,
and with my soul I shall defend
the house of my father.
I shall die,
my soul will be lost,
my descendants will be lost;
but the house of my father
will endure
on it's feet.

-Gabriel Aresti

"When Franco became the dictator of Spain in 1936 he forbid the use of languages other than Castilian that were present in Spain, such as Catalan and Basque. Aresti's poetry was met with resistance for its use of the Basque language. In his book, "Justice Prohibited (1961)," he took a direct political stance and was promptly banned.

"Aresti conspired with other Basque writers in France who began creating and publishing openly in Basque. His work, which delineated from Basque songs and oral traditions, are regarded among the most influential works in Basque literature. "

2 Sex Drugs & RockNRoll

August 9th, 2006]
I find  that I tend to prefer the simplicity of being detached from the world.
4 Sex Drugs & RockNRoll

August 8th, 2006]
Lately I have been coming coincidentally close with a nearly forgotten girl. In hind sight, I see how wise things have made me. I can only look back and chuckle to see her right were she has been since I meet her: ingenuine, confused, and unsatisfied. I am glad it is a passed chapter of my life.

V broke up with his girlfriend. It was enevitable, and no big deal, as no things are with V, or myself, and thus I have hardly made note of any differences.  My uncle, who meet this girl once, remembers her still for the way she was flirting with me. It was all fun an games and quite common for this attention starved princess. But now he insists that I fuck her brains out while I'm still young. I am starting to agree.

My uncle is a queer, appearently, and so is my other uncle and all my cousins, because they now all have myspaces. And reluctantly I have now fallowed. Which is where, about three minutes ago, I stumbled upon the profile of (3) V's  ex-girlfriend. On her comments column, I saw a picture of (4)  that beautiful dark-skinned girl that once consumed me so wholly. Her song was "Portions for Foxes," a Rilo Kiley song about how lonliness drives people to substanceless sex. Irony.

Back to (3) V's ex-girlfriend: seeing here myspace photo's really reminded me how pretty she was. I always found her pretty; but with her dating my best friend I never considered it again. But now that she is once again single, I really think we would suite eachother well. I attribute my innactive lovelife to my lack of ambition. And now that the chance for ambition has come along, I believe I shall take it. V will find sincere comedy in the event.

Good Night.

2 Sex Drugs & RockNRoll

August 7th, 2006]

I find myself wanting

11 Sex Drugs & RockNRoll

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